Marriage & divorce 3

What does the New Testament say about divorce? We will need

to do a quick recap of how we ended last week. God allowed for

divorce in the Old Testament, under certain circumstances.

There were two factions of Jews who disagreed about the

grounds for divorce. They were the Hillites and the Shumites.

They both agreed concerning the passage in Exodus 21, that

says a marriage contract required food, clothing and marital

rights or love. Neglecting any of those could result in a justified

divorce. But they disagreed on what was meant in

Deuteronomy 24:1.

Deuteronomy 24:1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if

then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some

indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce…”

The Shumites said that when the passage says Indecency, it

means “some issue of nakedness”, basically adultery.

But the Hillites said that the phrase some issue of nakedness

should be divided, to mean, “some issue” and “nakedness.”

So the Hillites believed you could divorce your wife for adultry

and also, “some issue.” What issues were included? That was

completely up to you. She burns dinner…divorce. She talks

back…divorce. She has more wrinkles than when you first

married her…divorce. It’s what they referred to as an any

cause divorce.

Everyone understood the difference of opinion between the

Hillites and the Shumites, because just like today, they or a

member of their family had been, or were about to be involved

with a divorce.When an Israelite divorce proceeding was underway, it required

three Rabbis, or lawyers, to be involved to make up the court.

One Who believed in the Hillite view, one who believed in the

Shumite view…and another one. So you needed to pick your

lawyers very carefully if you wanted the verdict to go your way.

This is the background, and common knowledge of the day,

when Jesus is asked this question.

Matthew 19:3 “3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him

by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?”

They were not asking Jesus if they can divorce their wives.

Clearly the law allowed them to. They were asking which side He

was on, Shumite or Hillite?

As we look into this story in the New Testament, we find it in

Matthew and also in Mark. I want to read this specific verse from

both gospels.

Matthew 19:3 “3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him

by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?”

Mark 10:2 “2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him

asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

These two verses are describing the same event. But there are

some obvious differences in how Matthew presented it and how

Mark presented it. Did you see the difference?

Matthew adds the phrase “for any cause,” but Mark does not.

Does that mean the scripture is in conflict with itself? It does not.

Actually, the original manuscripts of Matthew probably didn’t

have that “any cause” phrase. Why is that?It’s because the audience for the gospels would have mentally

filled in the missing part. Here’s what I mean.

It would be like me asking you, Is it against the law for a 15

year old to drink? What would you answer? You would answer,

yes, of course it’s against the law for a 15 year old to drink,

everyone knows that. But here’s the problem, if a 15 year old

doesn’t drink, he will die from dehydration. Water is a

necessity for humans to survive. Or did you naturally assume I

was asking about drinking alcohol? Yes, of course you did. Your

brain went directly to alcohol when I said the word drink,

because it’s common knowledge today. You understood the

context of my question, because of it’s current meaning.

This is what is happening between the Gospels of Matthew and

Mark. The Jews of that time would have absolutely understood

that the question is obviously about an “any cause” divorce. It

doesn’t need to be expressly written into the account. Matthew

adds it just for the sake of clarity.

That’s why there is no conflict or discrepancy with these verses.

They are in complete harmony with each other. As we will see,

the story unfolds a little differently in the two accounts, and for

different reasons.

Mark 10:3-9 “3 He answered them, “What did Moses command

you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate

of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to

them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this

commandment.”

In the Mark account, Jesus asks them a question back. What did

Moses command you? And of course, the Pharisees jump right

in with their answer. “Moses allowed us do it.” Remember,

Moses was their authority about anything concerning the law.In Mark, Jesus is making the point that they were commanded

by Moses to give their wife a divorce certificate…so she could

remarry. And their response was to emphasize that they were

allowed to send her away.

They focus on the divorce part, but Jesus focuses on the

protection of the wife. Then Jesus jumps to the main issue. He

says all of this is because of the hardness of their heart.

In Matthew’s version of the event, Jesus initially just avoids the

question all together. His response is to proceed with a lecture

about what marriage is supposed to be about.

Genesis 2:24 “24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his

mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one

flesh.”

He quotes this to remind them how serious God takes the

marriage of two people. This does not end the questioning by

the Pharisees.

Matthew 19:7 “7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses

command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her

away?”

Yea, yea, we know what the torah says, but who’s side are you

on? We know we can divorce our wives, but under what

circumstances?

Matthew 19:8 “8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness

of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the

beginning it was not so.Again, this is the main point of Jesus’ response to the Pharisees

about divorce. It was never supposed to be, but because of the

hardness of their heart, God allowed it.

In Mattthew, The Pharisees claim that Moses commanded them

to give their wife a certificate of divorce. In other words, they

were saying that Moses commanded them to divorce their

wives, if they committed adultery.

But Jesus says that God only allowed them to divorce in the

first place because they had hard hearts. The command of a

divorce certificate was for the protection of their wives. But

allowing them to divorce at all was only allowed because they

were completely hardened to their wife. Jesus continues…

Matthew 19:9 “9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife,

except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits

adultery.”

Remember, Jesus is answering their specific question about an

“any cause” divorce. Jesus agrees with the Shumites, that

only adultery is what is in view in Deuteronomy 21:1. He is

saying that if anyone divorces his wife for one of the “any cause”

reasons, he is committing adultery with his new wife…because

in God’s eyes, he’s still married to his first wife.

Now, if you find yourself in this situation, what do you do?

Here’s what you should not do. You should not divorce your

current wife and try to get back with your first wife. It does not

do anyone any good to go through a second divorce. That would

just mean you’ve broken yet another contract, in order to try and

make the first one right.

In other words…Two wrongs don't make a right.You can’t make a past situation better by making a current

situation worse. God wants you to keep your covenants, and

if you’ve broken the first one, repent and move on. Don’t

break the second one. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin.

Remarriage after divorce does not create a perpetual sin of

adultery.

Should someone who has been divorced remain single?

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 “10 To the married I give this charge (not I,

but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her

husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or

else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should

not divorce his wife.

This passage, on the surface, Paul seems to say if a woman is

separated or divorced, she must remain single…or even go

back to an abusive husband. It seems like this, because

people join it to the verse we just read where Jesus says that if

you marry after a divorce, you are committing adultery. This has

been used by some churches as a way to keep women under

submission and under the control of a narcissistic husband .

That’s not at all what Paul is saying.

We now understand that Jesus was talking about the specific

divorce of someone who has divorced over “any cause.”

In this passage Paul is saying, don’t get remarried…so you can

give some time for possible reconciliation with your spouse. If

you jump into a second marriage quickly, you’ve prevented all

hope of reconciliation. Now it’s important to point out that if

there is to be reconciliation, it must be sought by the one who

broke the marriage contract. The decision to accept

reconciliation is up to the person who did not break the

contract. The innocent party gets to decide.If you abuse your wife and she divorces you…then you decide to

try and get her back…like abusive husbands often do…it’s up to

her if she wants to allow reconciliation. And if not, you don’t get

to claim innocence, because you “tried” to do the Christian thing

and get back with her. You are at fault 100% and you don’t get

to play the victim.

What about the verse that says God hates divorce? It’s true, He

does hate divorce. I don’t know anyone who has been

divorced who doesn’t hate it.

Malachi 2:16 “16 “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates

divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says

the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you

do not deal treacherously.”

So, does God hate divorce? Yes, and here is why. Because

God has been divorced. Yes, I just put God in the same category

with you, if your former spouse committed adultery and you’ve

been divorced…God understands, because He’s been there.

Jeremiah 3:6-8 “6 The Lord said to me in the days of King

Josiah: “Have you seen what she did, that faithless one,

Israel, how she went up on every high hill and under every

green tree, and there played the whore? 7 And I thought, ‘After

she has done all this she will return to me,’ but she did not return,

and her treacherous sister Judah saw it. 8 She saw that for all

the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her

away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah

did not fear, but she too went and played the whore.”

God says He divorced Israel. He gave her a divorce certificate,

and is now warning Judah that they are on the same path. Israel

had hardness of heart, which is the stipulation that God put in

place to justify a divorce. This hardness of heart happens whensomeone has committed adultery numerous times…Just like

Israel had done by going after other gods.

This is basically the story we read about in the book of Hosea.

Hosea was a prophet of God in the Old Testament. God told him

to marry a prostitute in order to show Israel that their idolatry

was considered adultery to God.

Hosea 1:2 “2 When the Lord first spoke through Hosea,

the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of

whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits

great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.”

Malachi 2:13-16 “13 And this second thing you do. You cover

the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because

he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from

your hand. 14 But you say, “Why does he not?” Because

the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your

youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your

companion and your wife by covenant. 15 Did he not make

them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what

was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard

yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the

wife of your youth. 16 “For the man who does not love his wife

but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his

garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard

yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

God is much more interested in marriage than divorce. But

He knows how sinful we are and that we would need a way out

of marriages with people who have hardened hearts or are down

right abusive and dangerous to be around. In these situations,

divorce is almost always the best solution. Always keep yourself

safe. Never stay in a marriage that is physically abusive.The divorce question in both Matthew and Mark end up with

Jesus giving the same quote from Genesis.

Mark 10:6-9 “6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made

them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his

father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two

shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one

flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man

separate.”

Matthew 19:4-6 “4 He answered, “Have you not read that he

who created them from the beginning made them male and

female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and

his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall

become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one

flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man

separate.”

In the end, they both keep the heart of the message the same.

Let me sum it all up for you. From the Old Testament to the

New Testament, God is in favor of marriage. This is why if you

are single, you should only date and marry a believer who has

shown evidence of their commitment to Jesus.

If you are married, God wants you, if at all possible, to stay

married. You should follow the 1 Corinthians 13 definition of

love. Remember this is a binding contract, and love is part of the

contract. The contract has penalties if broken.

If you are separated or divorced, God does not want you to

move too quickly into another relationship, in order for there to be

time for possible reconciliation. If there is to be reconciliation,

must be sought by the one who broke the marriage contract.The decision to accept reconciliation is up to the person who did

not break the contract. The innocent party gets to decide.

If your spouse has committed adultery, or broken the marriage

contract in any other way, by not providing love, you are

permitted to divorce them. Again, moving slowly to allow for

forgiveness and restoration of the marriage if at all possible. God

understands that when a spouse commits adultery again and

again, it creates hardness of heart. Some marriages need to be

dissolved.

If you got divorced under a “no fault” or “any cause” divorce,

you were still married in God’s eyes. So you did commit adultery

when you married someone else. However, this does not mean

you need to divorce your current spouse, because two wrongs

don't make a right. An any cause divorce does not create

perpetual adultery. You just need to repent, forgive and

determine to not break your marriage contract again.