Marriage & divorce 2

Genesis 2:24 “24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his

mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one

flesh.”

That seems simple enough, right? One man and one woman get

married and live happily ever after. The end. Is that how it

goes?

In the beginning God made Adam and put him in the garden.

Adam was given the job of naming all the animals.

But after he had named them, there wasn’t found a suitable

helper for him. He wanted some company, someone he could

talk to and impress.

God understood the situation perfectly. He said to Adam. “Let

me make a woman for you.” “What’s a woman?” asked Adam.

“A woman will love and adore you. She’ll cook perfect meals and

always look stunning. She’ll laugh at all your jokes and she’ll

never complain.”

“That’s fantastic!” Adam said. “But—she sounds very expensive.

What will she cost me?” God said, “a woman like that will cost

you an arm and a leg.” Adam thought for a minute and said.

“What can I get for one rib?”

Proverbs 18:22 “22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing

and obtains favor from the Lord.”Have you found a wife fellas? Did she cost and arm and a leg, or

just a rib? If she’s sitting beside you the answer is arm and leg.

Today we will begin to deal with marriage, divorce and

remarriage. What does the Bible actually say? You probably

have an idea of what a church might say about them. But do you

actually know what the Bible says about them? And more

importantly, why it says it? Over this week and next we will cover

each of these situations and provide a biblical explanation of how

we should view it.

Here are some questions to consider. Do the marriage laws of

the Old Testament line up with the teachings of Paul in the New

Testament? Do the teachings of Paul line up with the teachings

of Jesus?

If you were in church during your divorce, you were probably told

that if you get divorced for anything other than on the grounds of

adultery…it was a sin. Then, if you got remarried after a divorce

where there was no adultery, you and your current spouse are

living in perpetual adultery. Does that sound familiar?

Today, we will start in the Old Testament with the concept of

marriage being part of the legal system. I know how romantic

that sounds, but we have to begin at the beginning in order to

understand what God thinks about marriage and later divorce.

A biblical marriage in the Old Testament, was a contract between

two people. I’m talking about more than just a marriage license

from the courthouse. A license just states that you are allowed to

do something, but a contract has payments and penalties.

Biblically speaking, marriage is a covenant or contract

between a man and a woman, with vows exchanged before

witnesses. It’s not just saying you love each other and as longas you feel love, you will stay together. And why is that

important? Because God is a God of covenants, not feelings.

The problem of divorce is not in the separation of two people that

had become one flesh. The problem is the breaking of the

contract that caused the separation. Whoever broke the

contract, is the one responsible for the divorce. This is a very

important point.

Does adultery break the contract? Yes. Are there other things

that can break the contract…also, yes.

So what did an Old Testament marriage contract look like? We

see examples of it in Exodus. In this next passage, a man has

married a slave, and as soon as he does, she has the rights of a

wife…that don’t end if he decides to marry another woman later.

Exodus 21:10-11 “10 If he takes another wife to himself, he shall

not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital

rights. 11 And if he does not do these three things for her, she

shall go out for nothing, without payment of money.”

These are the most basic terms of the ancient Hebrew marriage

contract and they applied to every woman,. even a slave that you

had married. Food, clothing and marital rights. If you don’t

provide these, she is allowed to leave you and walk out for free.

This was unheard of in the ancient world where women were

considered property, and especially a woman you had actually

purchased as a slave.

This is why God’s rules for marriage and divorce are the gold

standard of the ancient world. Women in the nation of Israel had

value and had to be treated with respect. They could sign the

marriage contract and hold a man accountable for not fulfilling it.A wife had property rights and rights to the children she had

with the man. This was different than a concubine that we

discussed last week. A concubine had no rights to property or

children.

Food, clothing and marital rights. The minimum condition of

providing food and clothing are pretty straight forward concepts,

but the idea of marital rights goes beyond just the physical. It

includes love. Love is part of the contract.

If the man didn’t buy cloth for clothing or food for cooking, he

has broken the contract. Also, if the woman doesn’t sew the

cloth together to make clothes and cook the food to make meals,

she has broken the contract. If either of them refuse to love the

other, they have broken the contract. Paul tells us what love

looks like.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“4 Love is patient and kind; love does not

envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on

its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice

at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all

things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all

things.”

This is the kind of love that is required to fulfill the marriage

contract.

Let me stop and say this right now. If a former spouse

verbally or physically abused you, they broke the contract. If

they were cold and uninterested in you,. They broke the

contract. If they always put themselves before you, and put

you down…like a narcissist, they broke the contract. If you

walked away and filed for divorce, you are not to blame. In

God’s eyes, they broke the contract.If you’ve wondered about how God feels about your divorce, all

you need to know is that He still loves you. Even if you were the

one who broke the contract, He still loves you. You may have

some work to do with regards to forgiveness, but that does not

change God’s love for you.

An Old Testament marriage contract was just like any other

contract. As we see, there were requirements for both parties

and also something lawyers would call a consideration.

A consideration, is basically a payment for a good or service.

It was the system of providing a dowery before a marriage. In

ancient times, a dowery could be paid by the groom’s family or

the bride’s family. It all depended on what the contract

stipulated.

Today, several cultures still have a dowery system. In India for

example, the bride’s family will pay up to a year’s salary to the

groom, in exchange for him taking her as his wife. This is still

common practice, despite it being outlawed in 1961. This cost

can prevent many girls from being married in a country as poor

as India. A dowry system is also still practiced in Africa, the

Middle East and parts of Asia.

In America, we also have a dowry that is required, but from the

groom. It’s called an engagement ring. This is the payment that

secures the bride. And the cost of the ring that is currently

recommended is 2-3 months salary. That’s probably a stat

provided by the diamond industry.

This is why a contract was needed. Each side was signing a

serious deal and the details needed to be stated clearly. This

was not about feeling love. Formal legal marriage contracts

existed before Moses and clearly afterward.The most famous marriage contract is probably the one that

Jacob had in order to marry Rachael…or so he thought.

Genesis 29:18-20 “18 Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, “I will

serve you seven years for your younger daughter

Rachel.” 19 Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than

that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.” 20 So

Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him

but a few days because of the love he had for her.”

As we find out later in the story, Jacob should have read the

fine print. He ended up being given Leia, Rachel’s older sister

first. Then after another seven years he got to marry Rachel.

The Jewish marriage contract is called a Ketubah and it outlines

the rights and responsibilities of each party. It’s not about love,

it’s about a legal obligation to each other. It dates back

thousands of years. Perhaps we could learn something from

them about how serious we should take our marriage vows.

And this is the main issue. Do we really value marriage

today? Based on the evidence, I’d say no.

The marriage contract, is what separated God’s people from

everyone else. In a time where women were considered

property, God required them to be taken care of and committed

to, not just thrown away when a man was done with them.

As a matter of fact, if a Hebrew man wanted to divorce his wife

he was required to give her a certificate of divorce. This

certificate stated that she was now free to marry anyone she

wanted.This was critical because women did not have a way to provide

for themselves and if a man just kicked them out without a

certificate of divorce, she was still considered to be married.

And thus, no other man would want to take her in. Because if

her husband changed his mind, he could just go claim her back

as his wife. And with her, any children that she had with another

man.

In this next passage we read about a woman who was the

worst…and even she has to be given a divorce certificate, so

that she can remarry.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 ““When a man takes a wife and marries

her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has

found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of

divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house,

and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes

another man's wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes

her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends

her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be

his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may

not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for

that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring

sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an

inheritance.”

Why can’t a divorced woman remarry her first husband?

There are a couple of things to notice in this passage. The first

is that she was divorced and remarried, then divorced again.

She must have been a piece of work. It says that her first

husband found “some issue of indecency” in her. The Hebrew

word Er-vaw is what was translated to our English word

indecency. Er-vaw means nakedness. So he found some

manner of shameful nakedness that she was involved in.Probably adultery. But regardless, he still had to write her a

certificate of divorce before he sent her away.

The next man she marries, ends up hating her also. I assume he

discovered the same thing the first man did. And again, before

she is sent away, he is required to write her a certificate of

divorce also.

The point is, that no matter what she had done, she could not

be sent out without the ability to remarry anyone she wanted.

Despite her sin, she could not be prevented from being able to

remarry, so she could be supported. But the caveat is that she

could not remarry her first husband. Why would this be a

problem? There are two theories about this.

The first one is that she is a con artist along with her first

husband. He would divorce her, so that she could marry a

wealthy man, to collect a dowry. Then when she cheated on

him and gets a divorce certificate, she was entitled to property

and goods. She then goes back and remarries her first husband

and they live on the scammed wealth. This process could then

be repeated.

Preventing her from remarrying her first husband would stop

this con game.

The second theory involves Islam. Not being able to remarry

your first husband was to prevent what was known as a Mu-tah

marriage. Or a pleasure marriage. It’s still permitted by sharia

law today. In the ancient near east hospitality was vitally

important. So much so, that if you were traveling and had

come to visit with a friend or family member, you were to be

offered a great meal, a good room, and if you wanted it…a wife

for the duration of your visit.They just did a quick marriage ceremony and then when you

were ready to leave, you just said “I divorce you, I divorce you, I

divorce you.” And just like that you no longer had a wife. She

was then able to remarry her first husband. This seems

outrageous, until you remember they probably had more than

one wife, so there were enough women to share.

Not allowing a woman to remarry her first husband would have

prevented this from happening to the Hebrew wives.

So what are the Old Testament rules for divorce? There were

two factions of Jews who disagreed about this. They were the

Hillites and the Shumites. They both agreed that the passage in

Exodus that says a marriage contract required food, clothing and

marital rights or love. Neglecting any of those could result in a

justified divorce. But they disagreed on what was meant in

Deuteronomy 24:1.

Deuteronomy 24:1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if

then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some

indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce…”

The Shumites said that when the passage says Indecency, it

means “some issue of nakedness”, basically adultery.

But the Hillites said that the phrase some issue of nakedness

should be divided, to mean, “some issue” and “nakedness.”

So the Hillites believed you could divorce your wife for adultry

and also, “some issue.” What issues were included? That was

completely up to you. She burns dinner…divorce. She talks

back…divorce. She has more wrinkles than when you first

married her…divorce. It’s what they referred to as an any

cause divorce. This is the background for this verse.Matthew 19:3 “3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him

by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?”

They were not asking Jesus if they can divorce their wives.

Clearly the law allowed them to. They were asking which side He

was on, Shumite or Hillite?

What does Jesus answer? Come back next week and we will

talk about it.